14 May, 2019

14 May, 2019

Loved ones,

I have made the decision to leave The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I know this may come as a negative shock to many of you. The purpose of this letter is to convey to friends, family members and other loved ones the purpose(s) behind my decision to leave. I have spent my entire life an active member of this church. However, after a 7 year process of God placing events and people and various questions in my life, as well as countless hours of study, prayer and conversation, and culminating in a strong and undeniable personal revelation from God, I have made the decision to resign. This is not intended to persuade anyone to join me, and I hope my decision will be respected by all who care about me. This isn’t something I can be talked out of, as I know it comes from Heavenly Father.

I have tried to live my entire life based on what I feel Heavenly Father wants me to do. Today, May 15, 2019, as I was going about my day, I felt compelled to stop and listen to God’s spirit, as I have many times in the past. What that spirit was telling me is that it is time for me to move on from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Ultimately, my decision to leave the restored church comes down to this one thing. It is what my God wants me to do. My guiding force in life is and always has been this. Now that I have precipitated this letter, I will attempt to give an idea of a few of the many of the factors leading up to this decision. This has been a 7 year process, so for this entry, I will try to keep it brief and list some of these things. Please bear in mind that this will be a VERY simplified overview, since I could probably write an letter about each topic here and then some, and I have a very long list of over 70 issues I personally have with this church.  

1. Treatment of LGBTQ+ people…

I have seen the harm caused by this church’s policies and doctrines surrounding this topic on a ridiculously disproportionate amount of my friends and loved ones and have long tried to be an advocate for them and to let them know they are loved and worthy of love. The membership of this church seems to be moving strongly toward actively showing love, but the policy against same-sex marriage and other still existing rhetoric has caused much harm. I have unfortunately seen this first hand. This was my very first source of doubt back in 2012, and I have seen it deeply hurt so many people I love on so many levels. It has been hard to watch all of that pain and feel a part of an organization responsible for causing it.

2. The focus of the restored church…

For awhile now, I have been listening to sermons from various Christian churches as well as occasionally visiting other denominations. I have noticed a stark contrast in the amount of focus on Christ in the restored church versus in these other faith traditions. Much talk is devoted to “the church” and its policies, ordinances, and restoration to the earth. I have felt a lot of emphasis on many things. Christ is among them, but not the main focus in the same way as I have experienced in some of the other denominations I have studied from. I also do not believe that God would create such a diverse population of humans and then only create one true denomination. I don’t believe that there is “One true church”, but rather multiple ways leading to God.

3. “By their fruits, ye shall know them.”

Last year, when I was praying about my conflicting feelings regarding my faith in this church, this is something that kept coming into my mind. A number of positive things have come into my life partly through my membership in this church, and I am so grateful for each of them.  However, I have watched so many people I love in pain because of SO MANY policies, procedures, practices, and even doctrine in this church. This is not good fruit. If the fruit of this church in your life are good, I am so glad. Many of them have been for me, also. There are good things happening here, but there are also bad ones, and those are becoming more and more apparent to me.

4. Doctrine versus culture

I have believed that the doctrine of this church was separate from the culture for so, so long. It has lead to me ignoring many problems, such as beliefs people hold about the nature of eternal families. I have friends who have been shunned or hurt by their families due to these doctrines. I have someone close to me and have heard countless accounts of people staying in abusive, destructive marriages because of the sealing doctrine. The interpretation of doctrine matters a lot, and the doctrine can be very destructive when interpreted certain ways.

5. Doctrine versus my personal beliefs

I have held beliefs for so long that I thought were rooted in the doctrine of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I have come to realize recently, however, that my beliefs were different than those of this church in more ways than I thought. I do not remotely believe that works ensure salvation (or exaltation). I believe that we are saved through the Grace of our Savior, who loves us and who does not rank our sins and deem us unworthy based on certain sins. I don’t believe ordinances are necessary for our families to be together. I can’t conceive of any kind of salvation or happiness that doesn’t involve my loved ones, but I believe that comes through Christ’s grace and that is enough. I DO believe works are so important because works are how we grow, but not how we are saved.

My conceptualization of God is that of a loving parent. As a parent, I give my children rules and consequences and boundaries to keep them safe and help them to grow. I try to give them (or allow them to experience) negative consequences in order for them to learn. However, there is nothing they could do that would take away my love for them, and almost nothing (short of possibly inflicting atrocities upon others) that might keep them from my presence long-term. I believe God does the same for us. I believe works are how we grow, not that they are how we receive exaltation or salvation. I have always believed that, but I have come to see it as not very rooted in this church’s doctrine. There are so many points I could expound upon here, but I am trying to stay brief, so that is one example.

6. Modern prophets and authority

I realize this is is a cornerstone of belief for so many in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and it used to be for me, too. However, I feel like there are contradictions inherent in this concept that I find I can no longer brush off. This church teaches that prophets are “mouthpiece(s) of the Lord”, but Joseph Smith said that  “A prophet was a prophet only when he was acting as such”. I personally feel that authority from God does not rest with the prophets of this church. Many of them have said things as doctrine that have later been changed. I do not believe that the idea that the prophet is God’s mouthpiece sometimes and only time will tell when makes a lot of sense.

I think that authority rests with God, and that the practice of placing it in fallible men is dangerous. I have seen this danger personally in the idea that all callings are inspired by God and in particular in the trust members often place in bishops (many of whom are absolutely wonderful men, but many of whom are not). I have personally known people who have stayed in abusive marriages because their bishop told them to, who have had their bishops say damaging and judgemental things, and who have been disbelieved about abusive experiences they had with members of a bishopric. I have seen people hurt by this faith placed in bishops, and much of that harm comes back to the idea of the bishop holding God’s authority.

7. The role of women (and rhetoric about women)

In my local congregations, I have not felt this as deeply, but I have noticed it in many ways. Women hold no leadership positions over men. There are usually only 2 female speakers in General Conference. I hate and have always hated the way that all women are referred to as mothers (see this among other sources https://www.lds.org/study/ensign/2001/11/are-we-not-all-mothers?lang=eng). I believe this puts women on a pedestal while simultaneously reducing us to one role (albeit a very important one) and de-emphasizes the importance of fatherhood.

There are so many things that lead me to a place where I was ready to hear God’s voice on this decision I can’t fit all of them into a list and have it be readable. To summarize some of the major doctrinal points, I don’t believe in the necessity of ordinances beyond Christ’s Atonement, the authority of modern prophets, or the idea of the kingdoms of glory. I could keep going on and on about many other issues with which I have struggled, such as the toxic chastity culture among others. However, I wanted to give people a start of an idea of how much has gone into this for me. Ultimately, the one and only reason I am making this decision is because I 100% believe it is what my Heavenly Father wants me to do. I have positive feelings towards the membership of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints overall, and I love many things about the culture and tradition in which I grew up. I am still a Christian, and I still hold many beliefs that I have always held. If you are reading this, please know I love you, and I support you in your personal faith journey and hope it leads you to a loving God and a life full of loving family, grace and growth.

***Disclaimer: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, also commonly abbreviated as the LDS or Mormon Church, has emphasized its desire to be called by its proper name or by the title of the restored church. Out of respect for that, it is often referred to as the restored church throughout this letter. I have deliberately avoided